chapter one

Edie laid down on the unmade bed, her head spinning at a thousand miles an hour in the darkness of her room. She had replayed the conversation in her head a thousand times. But the more she replayed the memory, the more it was like trying to grab smoke, the words becoming like Chinese whispers, changing so slightly that they were blown open to new interpretation.

' You can save him.' the voice had said.

She thought back to that morning, where things had so quickly changed. Waking up with her lover, throwing open the heavy black curtains that hid the seediness of their late nights from the world. The sunlight would pour in and she would hastily empty the ashtrays, clean up the silver tray which had been inhaled dry of any leftover traces of cocaine and as quietly as possible, placing the dozens of empty beer bottles in the bin. Aware that he would soon wake, she skipped a shower to wash at the sink, also conscious that the old piping from the tenement building would groan and disturb him . She stared into the mirror, eyeliner was smeared down her face and her lips bruised and puffy from his violent kisses. She ran her fingers over them softly, and admired them like medals of love.

Closing the front door quietly behind her, she skipped out onto the sidewalk and closed her eyes for a moment, bathing in the autumnal glow. She grinned unabashedly as she walked, and she sighed in complete satisfaction at how perfect new york looked to her. She waved at the familiar faces she saw as she passed, and didn't feel her usual  flush of irritation waiting at the crossing. She laughed inwardly at herself as she jigged up and down on the spot, adrenalin pulsing through her legs.

She strolled into the Bodega with the mental checklist in her head. His breakfast: strawberry yoghurt, a punnet of raspberries, a banana, a plain croissant. His favourite. Her stomach rumbled as she picked up the food, grabbing an extra croissant. She scolded herself for not eating at all yesterday; a horrible by product of her current lifestyle.

With dismay, she realised there were no raspberries. She sighed and dumped everything else on the shelf and quickly paced to the bodega at the next block, efficiently grabbing her list off the shelves and cutting ahead of some tourists as she approached the cashier. She glanced at her watch. She had already been 15 minutes. 

'That will be $10.65.' 

She pulled out her wallet and felt her face redden with embarrassment  It was empty. She grabbed around inside her handbag, aware of the sighing patrons behind her, desperate to find any cash.

'Im sorry.' she stuttered. ' Can you leave the stuff here while I run to an ATM?' she asked desperately. The cashier shrugged his shoulders in apathy and had already began scanning the next items as she fled the store, jogging another two blocks to an ATM. Her hangover was now rearing its head as she began to sweat, her face screwed up in consternation as she remembered paying for the taxi home last night. Cursing her own stupidity, she jammed her card into the ATM and checked her balance.

There was less than she thought. Much less. Ten dollars. That is all she had for another two days.

'Fuck it.' she breathed, and withdrew the money. She jogged back to the store, her previous good mood now ebbing away to a feeling that she was fucking up the morning. As she approached the cashier, she realised she was still 56 cents short. Should she put back something of his? 'No.' she thought ' It has to be the whole thing to be perfect.' She put back her own croissant and paid for the items, finally relieved as she briskly strolled back to the apartment. 

She heard the groan of the  pipes as he showered while she laid out his breakfast, grateful that her short stint as a waitress has at least proved useful. 

He burst out of the bathroom, singing The Cure at the top of his lungs. She howled with laughter as he pulled her round the kitchen, smothering her face in kisses and wrapping the towel around them both.

'Good Morning Good Morning Good Morning!' he nuzzled into her ear. ' And where have you been hiding?' 

'Oh I thought it would be nice to have a good breakfast considering the night we had.' she said, running her tongue over her bruised lips, now embarrassed. ' I was up early anyway so...I figured I would take a walk and get food in.'

He grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the table. 

You got all my favourites?!' he exclaimed in delight. ' What would I do without you? I would be lost.' he said before popping a raspberry into his mouth. She smiled satisfied and sat on the couch, pretending to read a magazine while watching him eat, his black hair combed back like a 1920s movie star, his marble white skin still damp.

'Are you not eating?' he asked over the newspaper.

' I ate on the way back. I was starving.' she lied easily.

'Greedy bitch.' he said as he snapped the paper back up.

Her stomach growled in displeasure. She ignored it, lit a cigarette, and continued to watch him eat, with a half smile.